SW01 - The Edge of Nowhere Read online

  Jenn’s face was stony. But she turned and walked off. Derric accompanied Becca to the truck. From a distance, Josh’s voice cried out, “Hey, hey, hey!” as they approached. Debbie was standing next to the SUV, smoking a cigarette as she waited for Becca to join them.

  Josh was out of the car in a flash at the sight of Derric. He yelled, “High fives!” and Derric laughed and obliged. Then he put his arm around Josh and rubbed his head. “You want to listen to some jazz?” he asked.

  “Yeah!”

  Derric said to Debbie, “Band practice. Can he come? Mom’ll bring him back to the motel when she picks me up.”

  “Please, Grammer,” Josh said. “I never heard Derric play sax yet.”

  Debbie agreed, casting a rare smile at her grandson and the Ugandan boy. “Maybe you can teach him something,” she said.

  “Like in the street band!” Josh cried.

  Derric said he’d see what they could do about that, putting his hand on the back of Josh’s head and giving it a playful squeeze. Then he removed a small folded paper from his pocket and handed it to Becca.

  He said, “I’ll probably see you at Debbie’s a bunch when I come over to hang with Josh, but here’s my phone number if you ever have any questions about school.”

  Debbie raised her eyebrows with an expression that said this was an interesting development. Becca put the paper in her jacket pocket, said thanks, and turned away quickly, the better not to reveal her blush.

  Once in the SUV with Chloe between them, Debbie said with a grin, “Aside from that, how did it go?”

  Becca said it went fine. She told Debbie that Derric Mathieson had been her escort for the day. Debbie said, “Darlin’, how’d you get so lucky so fast?”

  “’Bout what?” Chloe asked. “Grammer, why’s she lucky?”

  “She got to spend the day with Derric,” Debbie told her.

  “Like Josh, you mean?”

  “Not at all like Josh.”

  Becca knew Debbie was teasing, but it was okay. For she could see that Debbie felt lighter for once, with some kind of burden lifted from her shoulders.

  Chloe wanted to know if Becca was going to be their permanent babysitter. She said, “Grammer goes to lots of meetings and she doesn’t like to leave us on our own. Sometimes we go but we have to sit in the car and we hate to do that. Don’t we, Grammer?”

  “Sometimes,” Debbie said. “That’s how it is.”

  “Are you going to live with us for always?” Chloe asked Becca hopefully. “Where’s your mom? We live with Grammer, see. That’s ’cause our dad’s in prison.”

  At this Becca felt the barrier come down between Debbie and her, just like one of those gates in a castle. Her previous lightness disappeared. Becca said, “I didn’t know that, Chloe. That’s too bad.”

  “Yeah,” Chloe said. “He’s got to straighten himself out or he’s going to die, huh, Grammer? And our mom—”

  “That’s enough for now,” Debbie said.

  Chloe began to protest. “But you said—”

  “Enough!” Debbie snapped.

  Chloe shrank into her seat. She felt bad, Becca saw, like someone who’d made a serious mistake.

  She was sitting right next to the little girl, so Becca reached for her hand. It was warm and damp and rather like the inside of a puppy’s ear. She squeezed it lightly. Chloe looked up at her. She squeezed right back.

  * * *

  NINE

  Becca never expected to hear from Derric or to see him outside of school hours, aside from the time he spent with Josh. There was also no way she intended to call him. It had been nice that he’d handed his phone number to her, but she understood that nice was actually all that it was. Reading anything into it other than just a friendly gesture would have been extremely dumb.

  Still, he made it a habit during her first week to check with Becca and make sure that she was finding her way around the school all right. When this happened, Becca felt Jenn’s baleful glare upon her.

  Jenn kept making sure that she was by Derric’s side as much as possible. So the only time Becca actually saw the boy at school without her was during Yearbook, which was the only class other than Eastern Civilization that they shared. In Eastern Civilization, too, Becca spoke to Derric occasionally. Although he talked to her in the same way he talked to everyone else, she could still tell Jenn didn’t like it.

  Becca wasn’t sure why Derric continued to show her friendship. There was no way he was attracted to her, not with how she looked these days. She wanted to tell him he didn’t need to keep a watch over her if that was why he was being so nice, but she didn’t do that because she liked him, and she felt so strangely secure in his presence. Plus there was rejoice to consider. He said it over and over again, like a mantra.

  Rejoice was practically his only whisper. He said it the way other people said to themselves stay cool or don’t blow it or keep a straight face. The fact that he had to keep reminding himself to be happy was a puzzle, though. To Becca, it seemed to indicate he was hiding something. That, ultimately, made him just like her.

  Laurel was Becca’s secret. Where are you, Mom was her rejoice. She’d been phoning Laurel three times a day since that moment she’d learned that Carol Quinn was dead, but not a single one of her calls went through. She was trying very hard not to panic. Her mother, she knew, would never abandon her. She’d finally concluded that Laurel had purchased the wrong kinds of cell phones altogether when she’d picked them out at the 7-Eleven in San Diego. As Becca recalled, Laurel hadn’t asked a single question about them. She’d just handed over her credit card and that had been that.

  After school each day, Becca was keeping up her part of the bargain with Debbie. She’d been cleaning the motel rooms. Just ten days into her stay there, she found five dollars left on the dresser in one of them. She also found a sweater hanging behind the door in the bathroom, and she took it to Debbie as soon as her work was done. Debbie was supervising homework in the kitchen of her apartment. Josh and Chloe were at the table.

  Becca showed Debbie the sweater she’d found and Debbie’s whisper in return was have to send . . . more frigging . . . money . . . from which Becca figured she was going to have to send the sweater back to its owner. This prompted her to hand over the five dollars she’d found on the dresser as well. But to her surprise, instead of taking it, Debbie said, “No way. That’s a tip for you, darlin’,” and not a single whisper contradicted that.

  Debbie’s whispers, Becca was finding, contradicted her words a lot. Despite what she’d told Becca about lying, Debbie wasn’t always completely honest herself. Becca didn’t know why this was the case. She did know that it had to do with Reese, Debbie’s daughter.

  When the phone rang, Becca went to join the kids at the table, scooting Chloe over on the bench. She said, “Math homework? Yuck,” and Chloe agreed as Debbie answered the phone.

  She said to someone, “Sure. She’s right here. How’s your mom?” and listened for a minute. She went on with, “Tell her not to work so hard,” and then extended the phone to Becca. She wiggled her eyebrows to communicate that someone special was on the line, and in a second Becca found out who it was. Derric Mathieson was calling her.

  She figured it had to do with homework. Eastern Civilization or Yearbook, she decided, and to her horror her mind went blank. Did they have homework? What was it?

  But it turned out not to be homework at all. Derric told Becca that “a bunch of us are meeting at Goss Lake to do some bike time trials. Want to meet us there? We’re taking our bikes. Well, obviously, since it’s bike time trials.”

  Becca didn’t know what he meant, but she could tell he was a little nervous calling her, and she found this sweet. Then, though, she heard the unmistakable snarky sound of Jenn’s voice in the background, and Becca quickly said that she wasn’t sure she could go. She needed to find out what else had to be done around the motel, so could she call him back in a couple of minutes?

  He said sure and
added, “You still got the number, right?”

  She didn’t tell him that she had it memorized. There was lame and then there was lame.

  When she hung up, she said to Debbie, “Some of the kids are meeting at Goss Lake and—”

  Debbie said, “What kids?” because her whisper wanted to know if drugs . . . OxyContin these days . . . was part of what was going on.

  Becca could tell that whenever kids got together Debbie worried no matter who the kids were. She said reassuringly, “It’s just some kids from school, Derric says,” which wasn’t exactly the truth but it wasn’t a lie either.

  Debbie asked how she was going to get there and her whisper added don’t ask me.

  To this, Becca accidentally responded, “Oh, I don’t need a ride,” before she realized what she’d done. To cover up, Becca added, “I’m riding my bike. That’s what everyone’s doing, Derric said. They’re having time trials.”

  “Darlin’, there’s no way you can make it to Goss Lake on your bike,” Debbie said. She went on to tell Becca it was miles and miles and the road was completely Whidbey Island. From this, Becca knew it was hills and curves all the way.

  She said, “Oh,” and she knew she sounded sad because she felt sad although she didn’t like to think why this was the case. It was, after all, just a bunch of kids riding their bikes around a lake, and the fact that Derric Mathieson had called to include her meant only that she was supposed to be part of the time trials herself. She knew she’d blow that in a very big way, so it was actually better she didn’t go. Besides, although her bike riding skills were definitely improving since it was her only mode of transportation, she was still far away from being able to manage miles and miles of hills.

  Good news for Jenn, Becca thought. She would hardly have been thrilled to see Becca King show up.

  ULTIMATELY, BECCA WENT to the Star Store. It was a very short bike ride from the motel. Inside, she wandered a bit, with her five dollars in tip money asking to be at least partially spent. She snagged a large bag of Doritos for herself and two miniature pumpkins for the kids. She was at the checkout counter, getting ready to pay, when a voice said to her, “Those’re sort of small for carving, wouldn’t you say?” and she found Seth Darrow behind her. He grinned. “Thought that was you. How’s it going? Still hanging around with dogs?”

  This confused her till she remembered her first night in the doghouse and how she’d smelled the next morning. She said, “You were right. I’m staying at the motel. Debbie’s great.”

  “I figured she’d help you.”

  When she made her purchases, Seth walked outside with her. He pulled his fedora out of his back pocket. He reshaped it expertly and put it on. He said, “Everything okay then? What’re you doing with your time?”

  “Nothing much,” she said, and he looked disappointed for some reason. She didn’t understand what he wanted to know or why, even, he might want to know anything. But she was grateful that he was a friendly-type guy, so she added, “Well, I was s’posed to go out to Goss Lake today to meet some kids from school, but I can’t.”

  His face lit up. “Kids from school? Why can’t you go?”

  “Debbie said I probably wouldn’t make it. On the bike. You know.” She nodded to where her bicycle sat, this time next to the Dumpster.

  Seth said, “Oh yeah. To get out to the lake, you definitely need a better bike than that.”

  “I guess. But I was sort of thinking Debbie worries too much and maybe that’s why she didn’t want me to go.”

  Seth said, “That’d probably be because of her daughter. That’s how Reese died. On her bike.”

  “Oh.” Becca hadn’t known that. Only that Ms. Ward, the registrar from the school, had killed her. She wanted to know more, but Seth was saying that he’d just come into the Star Store to pick up his paycheck and, “Sammy and I can run you out to Goss Lake if you like.”

  She said, “Who’s Sammy?” and Seth shot her a grin.

  “Come and meet him,” he said.

  SAMMY TURNED OUT to be Seth’s car. It was a Volkswagen, a vintage model from 1965. It was completely restored, with a paint job so shiny that Becca could see her face in it.

  Before they left the Star Store parking lot, Seth pointed to a cottagelike building next door, mustard colored, with a garden in front. That, he told her, was South Whidbey Commons. “If you want to meet people—outside of the usual high school crowd—that’s where you should go. After school and on weekends. I play chess there sometimes. Guitar, too, with my trio. It’s a good hangout for people.”

  They trundled their way up Second Street as Seth explained there were several different ways to get out to Goss Lake, but Debbie had been more or less right about the ride. No matter the route, there were plenty of hills.

  The way he chose was straight out Second Street and onto a road called Saratoga. This flashed in and out of the woods, passing meadows and wetlands, and curving high up along the passage between Whidbey and Camano Islands.

  When they reached Goss Lake, Becca saw only a slice of it through the trees. It seemed protected from all wind, hidden away in a cavity of land.

  There were kids everywhere. Most of them were whizzing in one direction on the road that ran around the lake. Others stood along the road with stopwatches, yelling out times. Becca said to Seth, “Wow. It’s supposed to be a time trial for something. I didn’t think there’d be so many kids. What d’you think’s going on?”

  Seth watched them for a minute, resting his hands on the top of the steering wheel as he idled Sammy at the stop sign just at the edge of the route the bicyclers were following. “Looks like they’re getting ready for a race, doing laps around the lake,” he said. “It’s probably a fund-raiser.” He went on to say that there was always a fund-raiser for one cause or another going on on the island. She’d get used to that.

  They watched the kids for another minute, with Seth concentrating on every rider that went by. Becca finally said to him, “Are you looking for someone?”

  He said, “Who me? Nah.” He waved off the idea. “What about you? Who’re you s’posed to meet?”

  “Some kids,” she said.

  “That’s helpful,” he joked.

  “Derric Mathieson,” she told him.

  Becca wasn’t ready at all for what came next. The air in the car went completely dead, as if life itself had been sucked right out of the old VW. In its place Becca heard prick . . . did not . . . oh yeah right . . . like I really believe . . .

  Warily, Becca glanced at Seth. She felt uneasy when she saw that his eyes had gone flat.

  Finally, he spoke. His voice sounded careful and a little cagey. “Can’t take you any farther than this. Too many bikes. Everyone’s probably hanging around the boat launch. That’d be the logical place to start the ride.” He pointed to the right. The launch was just along the road a ways, he told her. Someone would be there who could take her back into Langley later. “I can’t stay,” he said. “You’ll ask someone for a ride, right?”

  He sounded concerned, sort of sorry to be leaving her on her own. But no way no way . . . just what I need . . . jerk-off buttwipe was on his mind and his expression remained what it was. Becca had the feeling that she needed to get away from him. She needed to do it quickly, even if it meant that she would have to walk the entire distance back to Langley later.

  BECCA MADE HER way along the narrow road in the direction that Seth had indicated. The bikes whizzed by. Kids along the road called out times and encouragement. As the riders flew by her, Becca caught some of what was going on in their heads. She couldn’t, of course, attach the thoughts to anyone because the thoughts were like leaves in the wind. There were the swear words of someone getting tired of riding. Along with them were the words that told her some boys were admiring the butts of some of the girls as they rode. Someone was hot, and a whole lot of kids were thirsty. But it all felt friendly and innocent. Nothing like those final moments with Seth.

  Becca found the boat la
unch. A table was set up at the top of the driveway down to a parking lot, and at the table there were three kids sitting with a stack of paperwork while two other kids were recording times being reported by stopwatch holders. One of these latter kids was Derric. He saw Becca and smiled and waved.

  “You made it!” he cried. “Come on over. Watch out for the bikes.”

  As she crossed carefully, she saw him hand off a clipboard to one of the kids at the table. He came up to her and flashed his high-wattage smile.

  He said, “How’d you get here? Manage to ride your bike? Pretty impressive . . . for a girl,” and he grinned again.

  She said, “I wish. Seth Darrow brought me. But he couldn’t stay.”

  Derric said, “Oh, too bad,” but Becca heard a whisper that said close close close and sighed from him the way clouds moved, darker ones lower than lighter because the darker clouds were heavier, containing the rain. He added, “Anyway, glad you’re here,” and nice was there, too, along with way too close and then feels . . . rejoice.

  She wondered what all this meant. Did he think it was nice to have her around? Did he rejoice when she was near? But why would he when he barely knew her?

  “Sort of the way it feels,” he said with a shrug.

  She felt herself get stiff, as if he’d answered her thought. She said, “Huh?”

  He said, “It always feels too bad when someone doesn’t want to be part of something, you know?”

  “Oh,” she said. “Seth.”

  “Yeah. Seth.”

  There were no swear words in Derric’s thoughts and nothing nasty when he said Seth’s name, but the dark clouds came again and with them the smell of smoke, as if a fire were burning five feet away. She said to Derric, “D’you know Seth? Well, I guess you do. I mean everyone knows everyone it seems. Around here.”

  “Oh yeah,” Derric said. “I do know Seth,” and his tone told Becca that something bad had happened between them. He took Becca’s arm then and brought her farther off the side of the road. His grip on her arm was firm and she thought he intended to tell her something. But then he added, “We need to get more out of the way here. Someone loses control, and one of us gets hurt.”